I’m extremely pleased to offer the following books at substantial discounts directly to special consumers like yourself:
The Mac Bathroom Reader
Totally Rad Mac Programs
Bitchin’ Mac Programs
The Macintosh Joker
All of my books are now available in better bookstores, but you can order autographed copies at discounts ranging from 20 to 28 percent off list price!
My latest book, The Mac Bathroom Reader, retails for $12.99, but the mail-order price is just $10. All of the other books list for $19.95 each, but you can order one for $16, any two for $30, and all three for $43 (there are no hidden taxes nor postage & handling charges).
For your very own autographed book(s), make your check or money order (drawn on a U.S. bank) payable to Owen Ink. Outside the United States, add $2 per order. For USPS Priority Mail service (available in the U.S. only), add $3 per order. For proper fulfillment, you must specify the book(s) you are ordering. Mail your order to:
Owen Ink
2227 15th Ave.
San Francisco, CA 94116-1824
Visa and MasterCard holders can order over the phone by calling (415) 564-1388, weekdays from 9 AM to 9 PM, Pacific Standard Time. Or mail your order to the above address, including your card number, expiration date, and signature. You may also send your order via electronic mail to any of the following accounts:
Get the straight dope on Apple Computer, the most intriguing high-technology company ever. This 300-page paperback is an irreverent collection of amazing anecdotes, exploded myths, fun facts, embarrassing quotes, and rare photos.
Revealed! The precise location of the garage where Apple was born and the identity of the forgotten founder who walked away from millions of dollars.
Hate to break it to you, but the Mac wasn’t Steve Jobs’ idea at all. In fact, he tried killing the project in its infancy. Meet the true father of the Mac, with a first-hand account of where the name Macintosh really came from.
Discover the outrageously short-sighted decisions guaranteed to leave you slapping your forehead and asking, “What were they thinking?!”
Business boners. Find out why savvy Bill Gates now considers forcing Apple to kill MacBASIC “one of the stupidest deals I have ever done.”
What are friends for? Read all about how Steve Jobs took advantage of Steve Wozniak when the two built the first Breakout prototype for Atari.
Salivate over the incredible fortunes made by the fortunate founders, and find out how Wozniak took care of the many people Jobs neglected.
We blow the lid off the oft-repeated myth that the famous 1984 commercial aired only once. Added bonus: the entire text of Big Brother’s speech.
Peek behind-the-scenes of the disastrous Lemmings commercial to understand why it failed to help sales of “The Macintosh Orifice.”
Check out the most authoritative, comprehensive list of secret Apple code names ever assembled, with insight into how and why certain names where chosen for various products (find out what Lisa really stands for and why Apple had to pay BIG bucks for the Macintosh name).
Peruse detailed timelines of the major events in personal computing, including the development of Mac, Lisa, Apple III, NeXT, Windows, etc.
Read true stories of the dumbest things people have ever done with Macs.
Discover the secret meaning of company names such as Apple, Brøderbund, Farallon, Radius, Shiva, and dozens more. You’ll be surprised!
Learn to locate Easter eggs hidden in Apple programs you already own.
Fiascos! Find out why the Apple III crashed and burned, and see with your own eyes the final resting place of thousands of Lisa computers.
Need a liquid lift-off? Jolt Cola is fine, but we’ll show you exactly how it measures up to other beverages (hint: coffee is king).
Big words from small minds: The best/worst things ever said about Apple.
Blasts from the past. Read the computer press reactions to the original Mac and see which compliments and complaints are still valid to this day.
What’s the real story behind Clarus The Dogcow? Find out inside by the man who wrote the mysterious Technical Note #31. Moof!
How did Microsoft unseat IBM as Apple’s public enemy #1, and why is Cupertino cozying up to Big Blue? The Mac Bathroom Reader reveals all.
Amaze your friends with your mastery of all this trivia and so much more great stuff Apple Computer would rather you never knew! Order today!
Totally Rad Mac Programs was named to the prestigious MacUser 100 round-up “of products guaranteed to be entertaining” (December 1992, page 125). Macworld says Totally Rad Mac Programs is filled with “little-known gems” and represents “a standout in the shareware-book field” (April 1993, page 177). And Universal Press Syndicate columnist Bob Schwabach praises Totally Rad Mac Programs as “a terrific deal…definitely a fun book” (October 25, 1992).
This 140-page paperback contains a single 800K disk jam-packed with 23 most excellent programs that will make your Mac the coolest on the block (see brief descriptions which follow). Detailed chapters explain in simple terms how each program works, with tips on customization, compatibility notes, and step-by-step installation instructions. All programs run under System 7 (and all but one work under System 6, too) and are compatible with most Macs from the Plus to the PowerBook to the Performa, Quadra, and Centris lines.
Before Dark
Replaces standard desktop patterns with intricate ones up to 256 pixels per side, like the commercial programs Chameleon and Wallpaper.
Bongo Bob
Displays a randomly selected wacky saying every time you restart the Mac.
ColorDesk
Replaces the boring desktop pattern with a full-color picture of whatever you like. This is the same commercial version included in Inline Design’s Screen Gems package.
DarkSide
A screen saver that displays animations during periods of inactivity, like the commercial programs After Dark and Pyro.
FKEY Master
A utility for installing function keys (FKEYs) such as The Ripper.
Kilroy
If you wait too long, a bald-headed Kilroy peeks over dialog boxes and his eyes follow the cursor.
Lights, Camera, Action!
Plays animation files during startup, complete with soundtracks if you want.
Makin’ Copies
Says “Makin’ copies!” whenever you duplicate files, disks, or folders, just like the hilarious Saturday Night Live skit.
MICN
Replaces the text in the menu bar with icons of your choosing.
Momentum
Allows you to “throw” outlined objects — such as windows — around the desktop, complete with bouncing sound.
99 Bottles
Sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” at various speeds with any number of bottles of beer.
PICT2Startup
Converts PICT graphics into StartupScreens for display during startup.
ScreenChooser
Randomizes the StartupScreen to keep things interesting.
Show/HidePICT
Displays StartupScreens with their custom color palettes so they look as good as possible.
ShrinkDown
Shrinks screen to a little dot upon Shutdown, just like an old television set being turned off.
Shutdown Fade
Fades screen upon Shutdown instead of just going black in a flash.
SndControl
Plays sounds corresponding to various events. Comes with a dozen authorized Star Trek sound effects from Sound Source Unlimited’s commercial AudioClips package.
Sound Mover
Moves sounds between files so they can be used by StartupSnd or SndControl.
StartupSnd
Impresses your friends by playing the Quadra startup chord — or any other sounds — upon startup.
SuperApple
Replaces the static Apple icon with various animations such as a spinning globe.
TailDragger
Causes the cursor to point in the direction of the mouse movement.
The Ripper
Tears the current window, leaving it fully functional, but with a jagged edge.
Wacky Lights
Makes the LEDs on the keyboard flash in a back-and-forth sequence.
Macworld says “Just because you use your Mac to run your business doesn’t mean you’re soulless. This book ships with shareware programs written to put life and fun back into you and your Mac” (Sept. 1994).
The long-awaited sequel to Totally Rad Mac Programs! This paperback contains a single 800K disk jam-packed with 17 radical programs that will make you the envy of all your Mac friends (see brief descriptions which follow). Detailed chapters explain in simple terms how each program works, with tips on customization, compatibility notes, and step-by-step installation instructions. All programs run under System 7 (and most work under System 6, too) and are compatible with most Macs from the Plus to the PowerBook to the Performa, Quadra, and Centris lines.
Cursor Animator
Allows you to substitute each of the five system cursors (I-beam, crosshair, crossbar, wristwatch, and arrow) with static or animated color cursors guaranteed to be much more entertaining.
DylanTalk
A hilarious spoof on the incoherent mumblings of a certain American folk singer, DylanTalk attempts to pronounce the text in modal dialog and alert boxes, as well as the titles of controls when they are clicked. It’s so stupid, it’s good.
Folder Icon Maker
Makes impressive-looking custom icons for folders with a drag-and-drop interface that couldn’t be simpler.
Greg’s Buttons
Gives your Mac a complete make-over, altering the default font, buttons, and background colors, among other things.
iContraption
A full-blown icon editor that can also be used to move icon resources from one file to another. Comes with dozens upon dozens of icons.
Invisible Clock
Audibly announces the time in a pleasant, female voice. Then this unpaid secretary hangs out in the background, announcing the time between the hours you choose.
Kingyo
If you’ve always wanted a pet but are too self-involved to give it the love and food it craves, Kingyo is just what the vet ordered: a cute animated cartoon fish that swims around on your screen.
Menu Bar Pattern
Paints the menu bar with incredibly cool desktop patterns containing up to 256 colors, including Wallpaper patterns.
MenuBall
Places a bouncing ball in your menu bar for absolutely no good reason. Go figure.
Psychedel•INIT
Recreates the misfiring synapses of the late 1960s by randomly changing the color of text everywhere it appears.
PuzzleTime
Anyone who enjoys a good challenge will love PuzzleTime, a bigger and better version of Apple’s Puzzle DA, in which you attempt to arrange tiles of an animated QuickTime movie. Due to their large size, you must supply your own QuickTime movies.
Shutdown Slide
Gracefully slides the desktop off the screen in one of several very interesting ways when you choose Shut Down from the Finder’s Special menu.
Snow
Creates a man-made snowstorm with 13 different types of snowflakes gently drifting down the desktop to the nostalgic sound of sleigh bells in the background.
The Sound-Trecker
Plays stunning songs in the background as you go about your work, like your own personal jukebox. So good, it’s scary.
SpiNit
Causes windows, dialog boxes, and alert boxes (and even menus, sometimes) to appear on screen after their outlines spin into place.
Welcome
Allows you to reposition and change the “Welcome to Macintosh” startup message to anything you like. You can even change the “Debugger installed” and “Extensions off” messages, too.
Xmas Lights
Strings up a row of flashing, brightly-colored lights under the menu bar, and you control the flashing patterns.
Featured on the television show Computer Chronicles (episode 1121)! Macworld says “If you have an annoying sense of humor, this is the book for you” (July 1994). Apple founder Steve Wozniak liked The Macintosh Joker so much, he bought 50 copies to give to friends. (OK, so Woz is a millionaire, but even you can afford a copy at the special mail-order rate.)
Don’t get mad, get even! This 146-page paperback contains a single 800K disk stuffed with 33 devilish, delightful tricks that wreak havoc on the miserable little lives of your “victims” (see brief descriptions which follow). These applications, control panels, and extensions allow the practical joker in you to take pleasure in the misfortune of others, yet these virus-free files harm nothing except your unwary victims’ mental health.
Detailed chapters explain in simple terms how each program works, with tips on customization, compatibility notes, and step-by-step installation instructions. Most importantly — so you don’t lose your job, friends, or spouse — I explain how to disable all of these tricks after you’ve pulled your pranks. All programs run under System 7 (and most work under System 6, too) and are compatible with most Macs from the Plus to the PowerBook to the Performa, Quadra, and Centris lines.
April Fools
When your victim’s Mac needs to display an alert box, a bomb appears instead, accompanied by the words “Error: Initializing hard disk…” and the sound of the hard disk being accessed. But it’s all a harmless prank.
Backwords
Displays all text in reverse. Icons appear with their names displayed backwards. Likewise, windows open normally, but their title bars are reversed. And all menus operate, only it’s difficult to tell what’s what because the text is flip flopped.
BrokaMac
Simulates a serious hardware failure on your victim’s monitor by creating a double-vision image of the Finder’s desktop while squealing like a member of Congress about to lose a district military base.
Burning Fuse
Whenever your victim chooses Shut Down or Restart from the Finder’s Special menu, the Mac plays a brief animation of a bomb with a burning fuse, complete with a cursor that looks like a lit match. When the fuse reaches the bomb, an explosion is heard and everything proceeds normally.
Conan The Librarian
When the sound level detected by a microphone exceeds a certain volume level, a very angry Austrian screams at your victim to be quiet.
Dimwit
With the Dimwit extension installed, the screen on your victim’s Mac gradually dims to 25 percent of its maximum brightness level. Cranking up the brightness knob is fruitless. No matter what adjustments are made, the monitor reaches rock bottom in about five minutes.
DOS sHELL
Your victim’s familiar “Welcome to Macintosh” startup greeting is replaced by a black screen and the infamous blinking “C:\>” prompt, just as if the friendly Mac had somehow transformed itself into one of those awful IBM PCs.
Enchanted Menus
Whenever your victim chooses an item from the menu bar, the menu pops up in a random location instead of directly below the title. Best of all, the menus are still functional.
FlyPaper
Makes the Finder’s desktop act like a piece of fly paper which sticks to the cursor. No matter how hard your victim wiggles the mouse to shake the screen free of the cursor, the entire desktop hangs on with the tenacity of a pitbull terrier munching on a mailman.
HAL Edit
Hides in the background waiting for your victim to type a special string of characters that you define. Then it automatically replaces this string with a different string of your choosing. Try replacing “Satan” with “Yes, master, you called?”
MacBarf
Makes your victim’s Mac play a disgusting vomiting sound when it ejects a disk.
MenuHack
Whenever your victim tries clicking a menu, all of the menus switch around, either at random or in rotation.
Minitors
Each time your victim’s Mac goes through the startup process, the main monitor loses one pixel from its height or width, gradually shrinking the screen.
Mitten Touch-Typist
Randomly generates mistakes as your victim types. As the name implies, it’s as if your victim is wearing mittens while at the keyboard.
Moof
Replaces all text with the word Moof, in homage to Clarus the Dogcow, mascot of Mac developers. Beats stepping in a Dogcow-pie with your bare feet.
Munch
Windows on your victim’s Mac are slowly eaten by an invisible, but extremely hungry monster with an enormous mouth. No, it’s not Rush Limbaugh, but an incredible simulation.
NetDino & StartDino
This pair of programs enables you to inflict a rampaging dinosaur on your networked coworkers or schoolmates.
NVwls
Prevents your victim from entering vowels on the keyboard, resulting in a bizarre-looking mish-mash of consonants that resembles programming code.
Off Hook
Every ten minutes your victim’s Mac goes “off hook” and a digitized voice tells your victim “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.”
Playin’ Possum
Whenever your victim turns on their Mac, it sounds Taps and then plays dead by shutting down.
Radiation & Trigger
This pair of programs enables you to send mysterious error messages to other users across networks and have those messages appear as alert boxes on your victims’ screens.
Sexplosion
Double-click this application’s alluring female icon and instead of an explicitly sexy program, your victim is presented with an alert box displaying a bomb, an error message, and a Restart button. If your victim tries clicking Restart, the button scampers out of the cursor’s grasp.
Sneezomatic
Whenever your victim inserts a floppy disk into a drive, it’s automatically ejected to the sound of a very violent sneeze.
Sniff
Gives your victim’s Mac a cold by randomly playing sniffle and throat clearing sounds.
Solvent
Makes the Finder’s desktop melt away like an ice cube in hell or tax dollars in Washington, D.C.
Sonic Boom
Whenever your victim does anything that causes a system beep, the screen momentarily shatters with random cracks and the sound of breaking glass.
Sproing
Makes the cursor move around your victim’s screen as if it were attached to a spring. Elegant in its simplicity, but very annoying.
Squeaker
Your victim’s Mac makes an annoying squeaking sound every time the mouse button is pressed.
StartupScreens
Greet your victim with one of two humorous images that simulate a Mac in distress.
Termites
Tiny termites randomly eat their way across your victim’s screen. Better than an ant farm because you control a variety of settings.
Tweety
Plays bird sound effects at random intervals in the background. Your victim will wonder if a bird somehow got trapped in the house or office.
Ümlåût Õmêléttè
Your victim’s Mac randomly places diacritical and circumflex marks over every vowel, giving the Mac all the false savoir-faire of a maître d’ at an International House of Pancakes in the Midwest.
Vanish
Your victim’s Mac no longer displays text anywhere. Icons appear with blank spaces below their names and windows open, but there’s nothing in their title bars because all the text is completely gone.
